#METOO

Who’s YOUR Harvey Weinstein? That question, as well as a Twitter boycott, followed by the current #MeToo hashtag protest, are all part of growing response and outrage to the fact that most women have been sexually victimized at some point in their lives. Some men too, but mostly women. And when I say most women, I mean it. There may be some, like actress Mayim Bialik, who think they have escaped harassment because they dressed modestly, never behaved flirtatiously, or just weren’t pretty enough to warrant unwanted attention, but I promise you they are kidding themselves. Women, especially young women, are constantly being assessed and found to be desirable – or undesirable, and many suffer the consequences.

We can’t simply blame men. Men, whether they are disgusting old dinosaurs like Weinstein or Donald Trump, or enlightened new world men like George Clooney or Barack Obama, are socialized to behave more aggressively.  The shiny guys, however, know they have to earn sexual attention, rather than demand it. The evil overlords, on the other hand, often don’t know that their behavior is inappropriate, let alone downright criminal. They don’t understand that they are abusing the balance of power, which still swings in their favour. They honestly believe that pretty young women are part of their reward, the spoils of doing business successfully. The less attractive ones are there to get coffee.

OK, enough lecturing. Yes, #MeToo. I had a Spanish professor in university, an old letch who hit on me in class, and almost failed me when I wouldn’t “have dinner” with him. Quema en el infierno, viejo bastardo. There was a sales manager at a tech company I briefly worked for in the eighties; a producer at a radio station who assured me a golden future if I did what he asked, and threatened me when I didn’t. I had a colleague at work once tell me that he preferred to date women who worked for him, calling it “one stop shopping”. Ugh.

But like I said, it’s not the men, or the mean bosses. It’s the complicity across the workplace, and I am guilty of that myself, to a certain degree. Twice in my career, I came forward with accounts of abuse, towards myself and others. The first time, I was counseled to let it go, because it would only damage my own career prospects, and I can’t say the advice was misplaced. The second time, the situation was remedied to a certain extent, but I was asked to never speak of it. So there you have it. Pretty nauseating, but what can you do. No, seriously, what CAN you do?

Mayim Bialik says dress demurely and keep a low profile. Yes, well, that’s going gangbusters in Saudi Arabia. Others say speak up! Rattle the cage! Change the conversation! Easier said than done, but sexual harassment is not about sex, it’s about power. Harvey Weinstein was not a man who couldn’t control his desires, he was (is) a man who needs to subjugate people less powerful than him to feel worthwhile, to convince himself he’s not the loathsome, sweaty loser we now know him to be. But guess what? He didn’t get away with it. He did a lot of damage, but it’s over, at least for him. I hope, for the rest of us, the conversation is just getting started. Who’s YOUR Harvey Weinstein?

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